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What You Missed While Twitter Was Down

Disclaimer: Absolutely NONE of this foolish rubbish actually happened…

I don't know TWITTER WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME
Creative Commons License photo credit: Torley

So surely you heard about the social media meltdown today, right? If not, perhaps it was because your only source of news about the world around you (Twitter) was unavailable in a cruel, twisted catch-22! So what happened during the 2 hours that Twitter and Facebook were down? Here’s the scoop as I heard it straight from the whale’s mouth, who heard it from a friend of a follower of a fan…

First, there was looting and pillaging in the interwebs. The front windows of several ecommerce stores were broken out and virtual goods ransacked! Cheth Studios, owned by @cheth, had several precious icons stolen. It was absolute mayhem… or at least there was a strange silence heard ’round the world as @mayhemstudios was unable to tweet a single resource.

The stock market suffered violent, cliff-hanging, nail-biting dips and crashes due to the billions of dollars not made by @guykawasaki‘s ad-laden (but truly interesting) tweets. The madness settled in on @scobleizer thought it was his fault for paying a developer for a script to unfollow 106,000 people in a single day. He took on a strange green appearance and seemed as if to be transforming into the Hulk himself!

One family bought out the local IGA’s entire stock of canned pinto beans and panty hose, then sacrificed all of their pets in an effort to stockpile for the #twitpocalypse, round 2. @DrRus, @bobhallam, @ScottSCarver were interrogated by international criminal investigators for an alleged plot to “take over the world via Twitter.” No word on who the “rat” was that turned them in.

Hospitals filled to capacity and triage (sp?) centers were established in barricaded intersections to deal with the flood of marketers, MLM, and social media experts who were suffering from severe withdrawals of a salty, ham-like substance also known as, uh, spam. Meanwhile, FriendFeed was abuzz with conversations about its inherent superiority. That was precisely where @imjustcreative was overheard to simply observe about this whole debacle, “#kaboom.”

Oh, @aplusk surged further ahead of @cnnbrk… but still no one really cares.