Yesterday, in our Tuesday morning Men’s Bible Study, we tackled one of the toughest issues of life - the discipline of purity. We’re currently studying through R. Kent Hughes’ book The Disciplines of a Godly Man (I’d highly recommend it to all men, more on that in a future post). Allow me to allow Hughes to introduce the topic…

“Sensuality is easily the biggest obstacle to godliness among men today and is wreaking havoc in the Church. Godliness and sensuality are mutually exclusive, and those in the grasps of sensuality can never rise to godliness while in its sweaty grip. If we are to “disciples [ourselves] for the purpose of godliness.” (1 Timothy 4:7, NASB), we must begin with the discipline of purity. There has to be some holy heat, some holy sweat!”

One of the issues raised early in our study time was the correlation between purity and church growth. I’ve been reading church growth material for a dozen years now. I’ve read most of the “hot” books on the subject and there is an element that is almost always missing. Most address the need to better market the church, to teach more relevant material on Sundays, and to be more entertaining in our worship styles. Almost none raise the issue of divine blessing.

The question is, will God bless a church with true “growth” when her leaders are compromising their moral integrity on sexual issues? I know that many will point to some large churches that have grown under the leadership of pastors who were later found to have significant behind-the-scenes moral failures. But I’m not really addressing the numerical boastings of megachurches, but rather the actual, visible impact that local churches are having on their communities today.

We live in an age of limitless conferences on church growth, contemporary worship, communicating and preaching in today’s culture, evangelism and missions, etc. We are surrounded by Christian bookstores whose shelves are stocked with all the help one could ask for. Seminary training is a click away and most pastors are a short drive away from some kind of campus or extension center. Our resources abound, but something is amiss. Richard Dawkins and the new atheists seem to be having almost as much impact on culture as the church. Why? Could it be that we’ve lost our sense of awe for a holy God, who demands holiness of us?

Let me close on a practical note. Man (or Woman), if you’re struggling with sexual purity, seek help. Make it known and avail yourself of the church’s assistance. If it’s a potential affair, or a current one, seek an altar of repentance, seek counseling, and scramble to salvage the marriage into which God has sovereignly placed you. If it’s pornography, seek help. Check out pureintimacy.org for some answers. Download a filter and some accountability software and have your spouse block the bad stuff on the TV. Take action now!

One of the most encouraging aspects of our Bible study was the discovery that though men are wired to be visually stimulated, and though our world taunts and bombards us with sensual imagery at every turn, it is still possible to be pure. God has given us the Holy Spirit who will, at our willingness, stand guard over our hearts. He has given us the Scriptures to feed our minds on His thoughts and His will. And He has given us each other as brothers and sisters in a family of faith.

I want the church in America to grow again, to have a real impact, to see a lasting difference made in our surrounding communities. But it will only happen as holy men of God lead the charge!

It’s apparent that there is a great departure from the church among twentysomethings. Recent studies have proven this statistically, but as a Pastor, I’ve watched it happen during my twelve years in ministry. It may be somewhat natural for young people becoming adults to experiment with living life their own way, including making choices about whether to continue the family tradition of church attendance or not. What is most alarming, however, is that about one in four do not return to church by age thirty, if at all.

Ideas on how to solve this youth exodus abound. We need to offer more programs within the church… We need less programs and deeper theology… We need to involve them more in leadership… Some of the suggestions are great, others lacking. One thing I do know, by observation and biblical data - the reason many young people leave the church has little to do with the church, and much to do with parenting.

Those families that fostered a genuine and authentic love for Jesus and modeled a truly godly lifestyle of humble dependence upon God, and who saturated their home with scriptural thinking, are the most likely to see their kids understand the nature of conversion, come to faith in Christ, and seek to live for Him perpetually. In many cases where kids leave the church, the problem is not that the church wasn’t good enough or entertaining enough. It isn’t that the family didn’t attend church. Instead, it is that there was not a display of authentic faith modeled by Mom and Dad.

We have a lot of confusion today about what genuine faith looks like. There are those families where the parents tend to focus on rules and standards, on being “strict,” and on discipline. None of those things are bad, in and of themselves, in fact, they can be very good. But if we aren’t careful, we’ll give our kids the impression that the Christian life is all about them, and it isn’t. It’s not about whether we’ve communicated our moral values or even our expectations that our kids live by certain standards. It’s about whether we’ve taught them that loving Jesus and following Him is the most worthy and rewarding pursuit in life. Rather than modeling a set of moral standards, we need to be modeling the adventure of living the Christian life in this world.

Having had some experience in youth ministry, and a lot more as a Pastor, I can honestly say one of my greatest frustrations is in parents. Let me be frank. The mentality among many parents is, “I can’t do this job, so here, fix my kid. If anything goes wrong, I’m blaming you!”

The Old and New Testaments concur that the responsibility of training kids to live Christian lives begins in the home. It isn’t that parents need to reaffirm what kids learn at church, it ought to be that the church reaffirms what kids learn at home. We take drop-offs in our children’s ministries all the time, because we love them and God loves them. But our hope is always that eventually those parents will come on a Sunday with their kids. Our hope is further that they eventually take the reins of spiritual leadership from our shoulders.

I realize this issue is really too large to cover in a single blog post, so I’d encourage some discussion on this one. Let me know where I’m right, where I’m wrong, and what solutions you think might work to help stop kids from leaving the church when they enter adulthood. It’s on my mind because my five-year-old is rapidly moving toward adulthood. I want to see her genuinely loving Jesus, and I want to see that for your kids too. In the meantime, here are some thoughts to ponder in relation to this issue…

• The church today must return to a good balanced diet of biblical and doctrinal preaching and teaching, rather than speaking only to the immediately hot or popular issues and felt needs of the day.
• We must also focus on the timeless elements of Christianity even more than the modern trends of society and church growth.
• The local church, though not ultimately to blame, is perhaps the greatest single solution, when she functions correctly as an evangelistic, prophetic, and instructional agent in the lives of families.
• Kids today are growing up in an age of increasing technological “independence” from God, and a time of tremendous intellectual advancement, often to the neglect of God. They need guidance to navigate the waters of adulthood wisely.
• Men, you need to determine to lead your family, your church, and your community so that your boys will not have the impression that church is just for Moms and kids.

Those are a few of my thoughts, what are yours?

Today marks our tenth anniversary as a married couple. I’ve done quite a bit of reflecting back on that very special moment when we were pronounced husband and wife by my father-in-law. I showed up at the church a few hours before the wedding and it was pouring down rain. I wanted to wait until it slacked off and until I could be sure I wouldn’t see Angie a moment too early. She was inside wondering if I was re-considering!

I wasn’t re-considering, and I haven’t since. I wouldn’t trade the last ten years for anything in the world. We’ve had a precious daughter, served a couple of great churches as Pastor and wife, Angie has earned two degrees (I’m on the very long-term educational plan), and we’ve made a whole lot of great friends along the way. We’re thankful to God for the fruitfulness of these years and can’t wait to see what God has in store for the decades to come.

A marriage, when lived out biblically, is designed to show the world how much Jesus loves His church and how much they can accomplish together in the redemption of lost mankind. I wouldn’t dream of putting forth the image that we have one of those perfect, never-had-an-argument, syruppy-sappy, always romantic relationships. If you do that, nobody believes you anyway and you probably get on everyone else’s nerves. Nonetheless, I’m proud of the marriage we have. We don’t ever have to question one another’s faithfulness and commitment, and we’re slowly learning to communicate and to compliment one another in a way that glorifies God. I’m so very thankful for all God has blessed us with… to Him be the glory!

Today was kind of tough… for Momma anyway. We saw our little girl “walk the line” to graduate from Preschool. The theme was What A Wonderful World, which all nineteen graduates sang together. They actually played Pomp and Circumstance as they marched in. She got a diploma and an award for Developing the Most in Confidence throughout the year. We’re so proud!

Angie handles moments like these with a mothering sadness. Her little girl will never graduate from Preschool again. I, on the other hand, handle things a bit differently. While Mamma shed a few tears, I was frustrated that the camera wasn’t working quite right. For me, it’s just one more step toward adulthood, which is the goal. I know that the time will fly and I’ll be crying at her wedding far too soon. Nevertheless, I tend to look forward to each next occasion while Angie wants to hang on to her little girl.

One thing I know, I’m going to enjoy another graduation someday. I’m not referring to Ella’s High School graduation, though I know I’ll enjoy that too, but the day I “walk the line” at the judgment seat of Christ. On the one hand, I view that day with trepidation - there is so much more to be done here in this life. On the other hand, I can’t wait for the eternal reward God has promised to all who place their faith squarely in Him alone.

Our little baby is all grown up… or at least about to head for kindergarten, but I feel that we have so much work to do. If she’s out of the house by eighteen, then we only have fourteen more years to prepare her heart to be forever sensitive to the Savior’s voice. We want to pray her into the family of God, model a genuine love for Jesus, and watch as she surrenders herself to His will daily. May God so prepare us for our graduation day!

Well, we’ve been the parents of but one child for almost five years now. I remember Bill Cosby saying something about us not being allowed to use the title “parent” until there were at least two. This morning, we had three. Me, Angie, Ella, Jayden, and little Quinton all headed down to the Hotel breakfast area… so the adventure began. It was a packed house and we found one little tall table in the corner. We made about six trips for food, napkins, drinks, forks, and then some more napkins.

Then on to the pool where we promptly got in and started having fun… until I felt my wallet which was still in the pocket of my trunks. After handling the wallet, along with a boy who splashed a bit too much and a girl who can’t stand splashing, I noticed some very scary looking elements floating around in the pool. Yes, you guessed it, somebody else’s kid (thankfully) had decided he or she just couldn’t hold it any longer. So we made our exit and notified the front desk of the potential health hazard floating around. My shirt was soaked because my four-year-old had used it like a towel and left it laying in a puddle of water… we’re still working on the whole “be considerate of others” thing.

After blow-drying my wallet’s various contents and getting settled back down in the Hotel room, I sat down to the computer to write this blog and reflected on what great champions all of you multi-kid parents really are. On a serious note, please pray for us. Angie had an ectopic pregnancy last fall, which was one of the hardest things we’ve gone through. But it’s really just part of a larger struggle to expand our family. Knowing that others within our church family are struggling with the same issue, some of whom don’t have children yet, makes us rely on the Lord that much more to invade our varied situations and bless with more little munchkins.

For a few hours we tasted having three or more kids, and how sweet it really was!!